Being in line is a way of life

4 months…

it took for him to recieve the call. Four months of sitting in a solitary bonafide shit hole called “tavern”, a bar located in the slums of downtown Miami. He sat patiently waiting, and constantly thinking of a response to her phone call. To his right a man known as a serial rapist in several states. This, of course, was unbeknown to him. Sitting to his left was a frequent at the bar, A man in his early 70’s, He’d spit out vulgar comments at the women at the bar, and scream at them when they didn’t listen. But, what can you expect from a man who’s been through two wars and an alcohol addiction? The bar was clouded from the variety of cigrettes that occupied the mouths of people who were equally down on their luck. And through all the noise, the drunken laughter, and the insane banter, he sat and planned his next move. “What you did was fucked up.” “You’re a terrible person” “I can never forgive you for the pain you caused.” but the reality was that his actions couldn’t have been planned because he still gave a shit. The memories he shared with someone who fucked him in more than just the traditional sense, weren’t something he couldn’t just erase. Those are memories that’d be engraved into his head for the rest of his life. And yes, as fucked up as it was, there was nothing he could do about it.

   The days flew by, and the bar became a second home, Where the only brother he had was a fellow named Jack. His phone began to ring as it had hundreds of times throughout the time she’d left him. He figured it to be his best friend who’d frequently call to check in on him. But, it wasn’t and after all the planning he’d done he still froze without picking up his phone. It was probably all the adrenaline that came from his heart pumping twice the blood, but he was paralyzed with fear as it went to voicemail. He called but, he couldn’t say all the fucked up things he wanted to say. In truth he’d been over the break up and that was more painful than anything he could do to her, she still loved him, yet couldn’t bring herself to admit it. The dark night came to a standstill and the light began to break through the windows in the rat infested “Drunksnest”. He slowly got up stumbling to the door. The room was spinning out of control as if he’d been on some fucked up ride at the local theme park. The light hit his eyes temporarily blinding him as he leaned over to vomit what seemed like a gallon of tequila and whiskey all over the sidewalk. he pulled a handkerchief from his pocket, wiped his face and started walking home.

 There’s no happy ending, and he understood that life is cruel. Like a whore, who pretends to love you for whatever you have in your pocket. The sun isn’t an indication of a serene beginning but an ending to the pain. He gets home, closes his eyes possibly for the last time he thinks. This comfort overwhelmed him as the world went black. His eyes were too heavy and the light from the sun never bothered him again.

I really hate to be disappointed. Not to be selfish cause people are disappointed all the time. Unfortunately disappointment cannot be helped unless you think with your head and not with your heart. lol fuck it i guess i’m fine being alone for the rest of my life. My dogs never disappoint me they love me as much as i love them and that will never change.

In my clairvoyant nature the future becomes clear too often, the manipulation of fact and hypothesis, history and experience, makes predicting a future for myself seem possible. In life you are given the gift of paradox timelines, from the moment you are born one choice can open billions of alternate universal dimensions, each step you take changes what could be a future in which the world is at peace, or where the world is destroyed. I’m empathetic to the fact that we dilute the full capabilities of our minds with the laziness of modern society. Just as we would dilute concentrated soap with water ultimately lessening the effect of the solution itself. We as our ancestors are primitive and we maintain the pack mentality they did millions of years ago. We follow the crowd onto a sea of desperation and a future despair. This is a future that can change, a paradox that can be avoided, and stored in the ledgers of the universe. We complain that our lives are too difficult to live out, we hinder ourselves with the sad thoughts that we allow to consume us. Thoughts put into our heads by modern society. Where being single is an actual problem and where the same people who complain about being single complain about being in a relationship or being married. Human kind as a whole, is lost and forever will be. The fact, we have no use for our minds, machines do all the thinking for us and our government supports the idea that their people should just shut their mouths, in order for machines to make our decisions. My hypothesis, humanity will fall due to our current states of thought and our passivity on the situations that were forced into. Thus, my prediction, that we will wipe ourselves out, not with guns, not with clubs, knives,or spears, but through our inability to stand up with one another, without fear, without silence, our inability to shout to the heavens and allow our voices to change the course of history, our inability to fight for what we believe in. The paradox for a perfect world will never exist unless we stand up and take charge of our personal histories together. Make peace with your enemies and stand up, there is one chance and its one we need to take.

Sometimes I get fucking angry when I realize I still love you…

Sometimes I get fucking angry when I realize I still love you…

“I dare you to be different”- Random customers

AAAAnnnd last night was amazing :D

I haven’t eaten anything today I feel so weak ugh…